Self-Advocacy is Self-Care

Recently a friend mentioned that she has been hearing from several people seeking advice on their jobs. Specifically, women are asking things like:

  • Are they being paid what they’re worth?
  • How should they ask for more money?
  • Is their title appropriate for the work they are doing?
  • How to ask for support when not being given the resources to do their job effectively?
  • Should they negotiate? How? 

This conversation got me thinking about self-advocacy as a component of self-care. While self-care is an extremely fast growing industry, only 32% of women and 39% of men report making time for it.

Self-care is defined as: 

The practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, 

in particular during periods of stress.

Most people think of self-care as taking bubble baths with scented candles while sipping green tea. That is definitely nice and one way to pamper yourself. Today I want to talk more about protecting one’s happiness during periods of stress. 

Self-Advocacy can be defined as: 

The action of representing oneself or one’s views or interests.

Whether at home or work, if we’re not representing ourselves and our best interests, we are likely compromising our well-being and happiness. Not asking for (or insisting upon) what we need for our well-being or happiness is going to create stress. When we think about self-advocacy as a form of self-care, we see the importance of advocating for ourselves. 

The Great Resignation

We are in the midst of what has been called the Great Resignation. Employees throughout the country have become fed-up with their current situations. Whether it’s their pay, the culture, or they have visions of something more for their career, people are leaving the workforce at a tremendous rate. Employers are struggling. Businesses are being forced to reduce their hours, limit their services, or compromise the quality of services or products they deliver. Everyone is hiring and struggling to find the staff they need to run their business. 

As a result of the Great Resignation, employees are in a very good position. Employers do not want to lose the quality staff they have. While they may have previously been closed-minded when it comes to accommodating their employees, supervisors (who want to keep staff) are listening and compromising. 

When, Why and How

When it comes to advocating for ourselves, it’s worth considering these three questions – When does it make sense? Why is it a good idea? And how do we do it? Let’s walk through each of them.

When: Generally speaking, there are a few conditions that should exist before you start pushing for more in your job. These may not be true 100% of the time, but when they are you will have a better chance at success. 

  • You’ve been in your position for six months or longer. If you have not had the opportunity to prove your value, it might not be the best time to ask for more. Leaders who have a traditional mindset may look negatively upon those who expect more when they haven’t really “cut their teeth”. Those who have been doing quality, results-driven work for a while will be in a better position to negotiate. 
  • You’re delivering quality work that is respected. Employees who are struggling to meet expectations or manage their workload, need to focus on improving their quality of work before they start negotiating for more. Staff whose work is recognized and driving the business towards their goals are in a good position to advocate for themselves. 
  • You are providing skills or services that are valuable to the business. If the company could get along without your position, you’re not in a great negotiating position. In fact, in this situation, you may want to consider taking on more responsibilities. Seek out ways to make yourself indispensable. 
  • BONUS ~ You are willing, and able, to walk away if you do not get the response you are hoping for. This situation gives the employee all the power. Knowing you could easily find another job, or survive without one for a while, helps you become extremely confident. Confidence is a great tool when self-advocating. This is your ideal situation. 

Before asking for things like more money, additional flexibility, or position advancement, make sure the conditions are right. Otherwise you run the risk of appearing as if you are disconnected from reality. 

Why: When conditions are right, there are many reasons to advocate for yourself. We usually think of pay, position, or titles, but there are several reasons to start a conversation representing your views or interests. 

  • Speak-up for yourself – Now is a good time to start speaking up if you haven’t been. Share your ideas and push to be heard. Bring up the challenges that make it difficult for you to be productive and effective. Find your voice!
  • Gain access to information – It is also a great time to push for additional transparency. Having access to the right information can make a big difference in your ability to do your job well. Transparency empowers employees to be better advocates for the company, and strengthens their commitment. Ask lots of curious questions and push to expand your understanding. 
  • Gain additional support – Good employees often find their workload expanding. As they produce quality work and as other staff leave, more and more may be allocated to the ones who stay. This can provide the opportunity to demonstrate your skills and your commitment to being a team player and advancing the company. However, there comes a time when you cannot take on more or where you are being taken advantage of. Consider requesting additional staff, technology or outsourced services to help you manage your workload. 
  • Asking for help – There may be any number of things that could make your job more manageable. Flex time. Job sharing. Additional training. Mentorship or a sponsor. Skills development. If it’s going to help you to be more productive and happier at work, bring your ideas forward. 
  • Rally for advancement – Advocating for your personal advancement can be great for your career. It alerts leadership to your desire to grow with the company. Quality management develops a deep bench. It’s very helpful for them to know who is committed to being included in their plans. If you are ready for your next step now, this is an excellent time to state your case and gain a position on management’s radar.
  • Request a salary and/or title increase – There are a few conditions here that are key to a successful conversation. First, if the organization is struggling to make payroll, asking for a raise will make you appear out of touch with reality. A sinking ship will not be in position to give raises or promote their staff. Second, if you are already at the top of the pay scale or compensated better than your peers, you run the risk of presenting yourself as self-centered. On the other hand, employees not compensated consistently with others doing the same work can justifiably start these conversations. 

How: Once you determine that conditions are right and you have good reasons for self-advocacy, the next step is to process how best to move forward. 

  • Mindset: The very first step in advocating for yourself is knowing your worth. Challenge your own thoughts of self-doubt. Know that you are worthy and deserving of the things you are asking for. Additionally, know that everything is negotiable. Leaders expect these conversations. Lastly, realize that if you don’t get everything you ask for, that is part of the negotiation process. It’s a give-and-take. 
  • Organize Your Thoughts: Think through what will improve your situation. Process how the changes will also benefit the company. Organize your thoughts in a way that communicates both your needs and speaks to the needs of the organization. Leaders make decisions based on what is best for the business. That is their job. Help them see how your proposal is good for the bottom line. 
  • Practice: Practice with a friend if possible, and ask for feedback. At a minimum rehearse in a mirror. Along with practicing, think through the various scenarios that could arise. For example, if your boss is known for interrupting, practice refocusing the conversation. 
  • Focus on Facts: Women tend to tie our emotions to everything. This isn’t at all a bad thing; however, some supervisors view it as a weakness. By focusing on the facts we keep the conversation on track. 
    • For example: I have taken on X, Y, and Z, yet have not received a raise in 2 years. 
    • Rather than: I’m frustrated and don’t feel appreciated. 

If emotions do bubble up, it’s appropriate to ask for a moment to collect yourself, so you can refocus on the point of the conversation.

There is a lot that goes into self-advocacy. Frankly, there isn’t one right way to go about it. Every situation is different and everyone’s personality varies. The act of self-advocating is a success, regardless of the progress you make towards your requests. This content is meant to give you a framework for increasing your self-advocacy. And as a result, expanding your self-care. If you would like to read more about why self-care is so important for leaders, back in February I wrote this article. 

Want to discuss your opportunities for self-advocacy? I would love to help! Email me at kim@athena-coco.com to connect for a free 30-minute discovery call. Also, I am hosting a discussion on Women’s Self-advocacy on Wednesday, November 17th at 5:00 pm. Email me if you are interested in joining the conversation. 

Kim is a mom, wife, lover of being active and the outdoors,
and helper of nonprofits, small businesses and leaders.
kim@athena-coco.com

The “I’m So Busy” Competition

What is the deal with this? People compete to be the most busy, the most rushed, and the most stressed. Like it’s an Olympic sport. 

I really love the meme that has been popping up lately that states: 

“We need to stop glamorizing overworking. Please. 

The absence of sleep, good diet, exercise, and time with friends and family is not something to be applauded. 

Too many people wear their burnout as a badge of honor. 

And it needs to change.”

What if, when standing around the water cooler, we bragged about how much sleep we got last night? Or how great we’re doing keeping our lives in balance? Wouldn’t that be a cool paradigm shift?  

To be clear, I’m not writing this from the perspective of someone who has never slipped into this mode. I’ve done it. Especially as a young professional trying to do everything. And as a working mom keeping many balls in the air. As I’ve gotten older and maybe a little wiser, I see how I contributed to the chaos in my life.

This article is not meant to shame anyone who is struggling to keep it all together. Rather, I’m going to share my observations on the topic as well as the importance of balance. A while back I wrote about Self Care, which relates closely to this topic. I also want to look at what we, as leaders, can do to help make this shift. 

So Much to Do, So Little Time

I recently came to the realization that I have more books that I want to read, than I will ever be able to get through in my lifetime. At first I was a little bummed when I recognized this. Then I mentioned this to a friend and he had a completely different reaction. He said: “Isn’t that awesome! There are so many great books in the world and so many options.” The difference a shift in perspective can make! 

While I would love to read all the books on my reading list (and all the books I have yet to discover), I don’t HAVE to get to them. I will read the ones I really want to get to. And I’ll read the ones I need for work or education. Some will just present themselves at the right time and I’ll get to them. 

The book thing got me thinking about all the things we fill our time with. If we were to work 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 52 weeks a year, there would still be projects to do or tasks to complete. Just like the book thing. We have a limited amount of time to give and we each have to decide for ourselves how much of it we are going to commit to the different areas of our life. Making this a thoughtful decision is key to balance and self care. 

How to Spend Your Time

First let’s focus on our work time. And the first step in this is deciding how much time you will work – full-time, part-time, project based, etc. If you’re self-employed, clearly define how much time you will commit to your business. 

Next I like to think of our work time divided into three categories: NEED TO, WANT TO, and SHOULD. 

  • NEED TO: There are the things we absolutely have to do. Likely these items are outlined on our job description or they are directives from our supervisor. If our job is important to us, then we have to do these things. 

Items on the NEED TO list can sometimes be subjective. For example, if an employee has a need for perfection, they may triple check their work. Another employee who has the ability to run through a project accurately on the first try might not have that need. 

  • WANT TO: These are projects that we believe will improve the company, culture, product or service. They are initiatives that we want to pursue, but are not required to work on. WANT TO projects provide fulfillment and engagement. Often these are the reasons we enjoy our jobs and make us care about the company. 

Depending on the amount of autonomy you have at work, this might be something you need to negotiate with your supervisor. Being clear about the things on your NEED TO list, and how your WANT TO items will benefit the company will help with your discussion. Also, if the WANT TO projects are the only thing keeping you at a company, they may truly be NEED TOs. 

  • SHOULD: Items on this list are things that are not required from you, and you probably don’t really want to do them either. It’s best to avoid SHOULDing on ourselves. The SHOULDs need to be evaluated to see what’s really going on there. You clearly feel an obligation to the task. Consider why that is and if it really belongs on the NEED TO list. 

An example is a project that you don’t want to do, but that would make you look really good to your boss. If you are actively working to advance at work, then you might want to shift it to your NEED TO list. On the other hand, if you are new to a position and it makes more sense for you to focus on your primary responsibilities, then this item probably needs to be removed altogether. 

Too often we approach everything that comes our way as a NEED TO. By thinking through how to categorize the many demands on our time, we can make decisions that will keep us from becoming overworked. 

Not Just a Work Problem

While at work, the NEED TOs take priority, in our personal life there should be a better balance between NEED TO and WANT TO. Being overworked or overextended is not just a work problem. Homes, family, friends, hobbies, volunteering, and more quickly fill up our non-work time. The problem is usually amplified for women who tend to carry the majority of home and child care duties. 

Categorizing tasks and activities can be applied to our personal time as well. This process can be a useful tool for families to use in order to distribute tasks or to decide what is really important. Having a clean kitchen might be a NEED TO for one person and a SHOULD for another. There might be items on your SHOULD list that really need to be outsourced because no one wants to do them, but eventually they NEED TO be done (hello housecleaning!) 

Evaluating the ways you spend your time can also reveal opportunities for positive change. If you aren’t getting enough sleep, scrolling social media for an hour before bed could be the culprit. When we think intentionally about how we spend our time, we will probably choose quality sleep over looking at cat memes. 

Leading Change

As a leader the categories still do not change. The biggest difference is that you are the one making decisions about what NEEDS TO be done for the company or organization. With this difference comes the power to drive change. As I see it, there are four key areas where today’s leaders can help reduce the glamorization of the overworked: 

  • Create jobs that are manageable – evaluate jobs regularly to ensure that they can be completed in the allotted time. Avoid filling every minute of a staff person’s time. Encourage creativity and staff taking initiative. This can lead to new solutions and  processes, and energize staff. 
  • Ensure NEEDS TO are really needs – your role is to divide the many tasks and projects that it takes to operate your business. As time goes on, priorities change. The leader’s job is to make sure that tasks remain relevant and true NEED TOs.
  • Set a good example – monitor your own use of time. Nothing encourages balance like the leader making it a priority. If you do need to put in extra hours, don’t make a show of it. The leader’s behavior will create the culture.  
  • Encourage balance – beyond demonstrating work-life balance, talk about it. Tell staff why it’s important. Help them figure out how to manage their role in a healthy way. If you observe a staff person engaging in the “I’m So Busy” competition, have a conversation with them. 

In today’s job market, leaders need to provide jobs that people want. This means work-life balance, opportunities for meaningful contributions, personal development, and a culture they will enjoy. Businesses that figure out how to do this will attract the best employees. 

Need help with creating a healthy culture? Email me at kim@athena-coco.com to schedule a free 30-minute discovery call to start creating a culture that celebrates work-life balance. 

Kim Stewart

Kim is a mom, wife, lover of being active and the outdoors,
and helper of small businesses and nonprofits.
kim@athena-coco.com

Self-Care – Yes, Business Leaders Need It!

leaders know quote

Happy Valentine’s Day! It’s probably not actually Valentine’s Day when you’re reading this, but that’s when I’m writing. And that’s also why I wanted to spend a little time talking about self-care (aka: self-love) for business leaders. You might be thinking: “I don’t have time for that!” If so, I’m hoping I can change your mind with this article.

I found two great definitions of Self-Care, and this seems like a great place to start.

Definition #1:

The practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health.

This one is a pretty broad definition and can include things you’re (hopefully) going to do regularly, like sleeping and brushing your teeth. It also encompasses regular check-ups, exercise, wearing your seat belt, healthy eating, and much, much more. These are all important habits, and I hope you have established great routines for them. Plus flossing, also very important. However, while there’s some crossover, these aren’t the practices this article is about. Which brings us to the second definition.

Definition #2:

The practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.

Now we’re talking! The key word here is stress. If there’s anyone who has their fair share of stress, it’s business-owners and business-leaders, amirite? You have an entire business or nonprofit relying on you to make the right decisions, create a great culture, deliver the best services or products, and support your staff. That’s a lot on your shoulders! And those are the reasons that self-care is so important for leaders.

In working with leaders for quite some time now, I know that there are many who hear the words self-care and think one of three things:

  1. It’s for the weak. Tough leaders don’t need that new-agey crap.

  2. I’m too important for that kind of indulgence.

  3. It would be great, but who has the time!

If you fell into one of these categories when you first started reading, consider this. You know when you fly (or used to fly, pre-pandemic) and the flight attendant tells you to put your own mask on first, before helping others? As I’m sure you know, the reason for this is because you cannot help anyone else if you’re incapacitated. The same thing goes for leading your business. You’re going to be no good to the company, clients/customers, or staff if you’re too stressed out or exhausted to lead effectively.

The arguments listed above are rooted in the assumptions that leaders shouldn’t be vulnerable, important people don’t need to manage their stress, and leaders can’t take time for themselves. The reality is that self-care is an investment in your personal productivity and effectiveness. It can improve decision making and mental clarity. It most definitely improves mood, which can benefit relationships both inside and outside your company. With self-care you’re able to focus better, have more energy, be more productive, and find more creative solutions. These are just a few of the many benefits that come from “taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress”.

The self-care industry has boomed from $10 million in 2014 to over $450 million in 2020. There are millions of products and services out there and everyone thinks their solution is the best. All of that can make self-care seem confusing and overwhelming. I am not here to promote any product or service. In fact, I believe the best options are free and simple. I also believe that self-care is as individual as fingerprints. You need to find what is right for you. My recommendation is to start out with things that are free or super low cost, then add or change as you find what works best for you.

Start Here

As a business leader, you certainly don’t want to add something to your day that is going to make life more stressful. While a day at the spa would be fabulous, it’s probably not realistic (at least not on a regular basis). So here are some ideas of things to start with, that won’t break the time-bank.

Breath Exercises

You’re going to breathe anyway, right? Take one-minute, two or three times a day to focus on breathing. There are several different techniques you can use. If this is something that appeals to you, a quick google search will give you lots of options. Here’s one you can try right now:

  • Sit in a relaxed position and close or downcast your eyes.

  • Take a deep (belly) breath in for a count of four.

  • Hold for a count of four.

  • Let out for a count of four.

  • Hold for a count of four.

  • Repeat for four breath cycles.

Breath is life. Focusing on your breath can lower your pulse, lower your stress, help you relax, and refocus your attention.

Journal

Journaling can seem intimidating. What will you write? Why will it matter? What’s the point? If this is something you would like to try, but don’t know how, here’s an easy way to get started. Just finish these three statement every day:

  • I will let go of . . .

  • I am grateful for . . .

  • I will focus on . . .

This is a really great way to start the day. If possible, do it first thing in the morning. Consider making it the first thing you see when you open your computer.

Connect

Set a goal to have one 5-minute, non-work conversation with a different team member every day. Human interaction does wonders for reducing stress. Mercy Medical Center says that social interactions are good for brain health. It can improve mood, lower the risk for dementia, and promotes a sense of safety, belonging and security. And the really great thing is that by incorporating this practice, you’re not the only one to experience these benefits.

Get Out!

Go outside and mindfully take in what you see. Check out the breeze. Listen for sounds. Observe the colors and movements around you. Again, as little as 5-minutes can reap so many benefits. Exposure to nature is known to reduce anger, fear, and stress; as well as reducing blood pressure, heart rate, and muscle tension. This is so easy to incorporate into your day. Park at the far end of your parking lot and spend the walk being mindful of your surroundings. Walk for lunch or just take a walk around the building. This has the added benefit of physical activity, a little vitamin D, and setting a great example for your team!

Mindfulness

This goes right along with the previous practice, but can be done while doing literally anything. Practicing mindfulness for as little as two-minutes a day has been proven to reduce stress, anxiety, and mental reactivity. This can be done while you brush your teeth (one of the self-care activities from the top of the article). While brushing, think about the tiny circles you make with the brush. Think about how the floor feels under your feet. Think about your posture. Think about how you’re feeling. Notice everything about the process. Then guess what? When you’re done you have at least one-minute of mindfulness practice under your belt for the day! Spend a full minute focusing on what you’re eating at lunch. Examine the taste, texture, temperature, and how the food is making you feel. Chew twice as long as you normally would. Think about that process. And when you’re done – Boom! You’ve got your two-minutes of mindfulness in for the day!

Those are just a few ideas to get you started, all of which require very little time and no cost. Here are some other suggestions if you want to dive a little deeper into practicing self-care:

  • Physical exercise – yoga, walking, biking, strength training. Whatever you pick, start small. Commit to less than you think you will do, like 5-minutes a day. When that is a regular part of your day, consider expanding.

  • Healthy eating – you are what you eat, so consider what you put in your body. Shoot to make one small change. Be it smaller portions, mindful eating, reducing processed foods, healthy snacks, etc. Change one small thing, and see how it goes for you.

  • Routines – creating a routine or ritual is great for stress reduction. Wake-up routines, bedtime routines, get-to-work routines, end-your-day routines – routines reduce stress and can provide you with more time.

  • Quality sleep – everyone knows the benefits of a good night sleep. Coincidentally, the biggest deterrent to quality sleep is stress. As adults, stress can really wreak havoc on our sleep. Many of the self-care options in this article can help you improve sleep.

Still, there are many more ways to manage stress and take care of yourself. These are some good ones to start with, but you can also do your own research. Try different things. There is no right or wrong (despite what “experts” might say) that works for everyone. Find what works for you, then tweak it as you go along. And every once in a while, feel free to treat yourself to a spa day.

Need help managing stress? Email me at kim@athena-coco.com to schedule a free 30-minute consultation to see how we can help you Calm the Chaos and find time to focus on what’s important to YOU.