Diversity, Equity, Inclusion: Three Simple Steps to Get Started

Diversity, Equity, Inclusion

There are many voices out there on this topic. Many are going to be more qualified than me to speak in-depth on Diversity, Equity and Inclusion. In this article I will be sharing my perspective along with some thoughts on how to start these conversations in your workplace, or even in your family or friend group.

I had the honor of serving my community through the YMCA for several decades. The work I lead and was involved with was important and impactful. One initiative from the YMCA of the USA that I have been very impressed with, and have carried with me throughout the years, involves their work on Dimensions of Diversity. This work has resonated with me because it goes far beyond gender, skin color, and age. Those are big and often obvious categories, which over-generalize who people really are. Generalizations are necessary for studying trends, creating non-discrimination policy, and supporting marginalized groups; however they create problems when we use them to lump all people together. 

While working with a client recently, she shared her story of being a young black woman who excelled in the violin. For a long time she felt like an outcast. “Black people don’t play in the orchestra” was something she heard and felt on a regular basis. In discussing her experience she used this phrase:

Black is Not a Monolith 

Having only heard the word “Monolith” recently in relation to the one discovered in Utah last summer, I did a bit of research. Apparently it’s a phrase that’s been around for a while, and has resurfaced with the release of Lena Waithe’s Queen & Slim. While I have not seen this movie, it sounds like the phrase is used to express the fact that all black people are not necessarily from the ghetto. Essentially, black people come from all kinds of communities and backgrounds. When you think about it, that doesn’t seem like something that needs to be stated. However, it’s human nature to try to categorize and simplify things we don’t understand. 

 In talking further with this client, she shared with me that she was from a small town. She told me her town “only had four high schools.” This is when the complexities of diversity really struck me. My town had exactly one high school. In fact it had exactly one school of any kind, Kindergarten through 12th grade. In the years since I graduated they have added a preschool. Still one school. As a member of the tiny little Generation X, my graduating class had 26 people in it. 

This started me thinking about other personal experiences where the diversity in our backgrounds was very striking. When I worked in Chicago one of my staff, a woman in her 40s, had never had a drivers license. Or a car. She taught me how to use the bus and the L – explaining routes, lines and transfers – from memory. Growing up on a farm I wouldn’t have been able to participate in afterschool activities, have a social life, or a job without a license and a car. It was unimaginable to never have a car or a license. Growing up the way she did, she couldn’t believe I’d never used public transportation. 

These experiences and reflections keep bringing me back to the Y-USAs Dimensions of Diversity. Looking at one dimension of a person and defining them by it is part of our society’s problem with embracing diversity. It leads to limiting beliefs and stereotypes. All black people are fill in the blank. LGBTQ+ people never fill in the blank. People living in poverty are all fill in the blank. Women just aren’t meant to fill in the blank. None of us should be defined by one aspect of our identity. Least of all marginalized groups. 

Today, many companies and organizations are in the position of knowing they need to “do better” with diversity, equity, and inclusion; but they might not know where to start. This is understandable; it’s a huge, complex and often controversial topic. I’d like to offer you three simple steps to get you started. These can be implemented with no cost, no additional staff or resources, and very little change to your operations.

  • Mindset – leadership commitment

First and foremost, the leadership of the business or organization needs to be genuinely committed to shifting the culture. The top leader especially, but also the leadership team needs to believe in the importance of celebrating diversity, valuing equity, and driving inclusion.

In order to ensure that you are ready for this, it will likely require some challenging conversations as a team. The discussion must go beyond: “Is everyone good with this?” Each and every leader needs to be committed to driving change, supporting difficult conversations and situations, and being an agency-champion for this transformation. If every single person isn’t 100% on board, the leader has a decision to make. Does she/he postpone this initiative until the timing is better or do they make the changes needed to create the leadership team that will move the company needle on DEI. 

  • Commitment to understanding

As you begin your initiative around Diversity, Inclusion and Equity, one of the first tenements to establish is the commitment to understanding where people are coming from. Impressing upon staff the importance of listening and being open to understanding the journey their co-workers are traveling is key to building your foundation.

It doesn’t matter what other people think about Meghan Markles’ skin color. If she identifies as black, that’s a dimension of who she is. Self-identification is up to the individual and it doesn’t matter if other people agree with it or not. Supporting DEI means accepting others as they identify, and striving to understand.

The leadership sets this expectation and supports staff as they work to learn and grow. They also watch for those team members who are resistant to this change and take action with anyone who is not a match for the culture they are trying to create.

  • A little bit of time in each and every staff meeting

The first two steps are really about mindset, setting the tone, and creating a culture. This one provides action items you can take and use right away.

The most valuable communication tool that leaders possess is the staff meeting. If your staff meetings are not important, engaging, effective, and driving communication and culture, consider reading this. Incorporating mini-activities into your team meeting (and every other staff meeting in your company) can start the exploration of diversity, equity, and inclusion with the broad base of your business.

Hopefully your staff meeting includes some sort of a transition or opening. This aspect of your meeting is meant to help team members shift from whatever-they-were-doing-before-the-meeting to full-on-meeting-mode. Good things to include in this phase of the meeting are things like:

  • An opening thought
  • Check-in
  • Company headlines
  • Celebrations

In order to get everyone thinking about the diversity of their team, consider adding a “backstory question.” This tool can be fun, but at the same time it helps everyone to start to understand more about their teammates. If time is tight this activity can take as little as 2-minutes by doing it “whip style.” Or if you want, you can add a reflection component to dig deeper.

Here’s an example:

  1. Have everyone go around and share what their first job was and something they learned from that job that they still utilize today. If you have 10 people in the meeting, this will probably take 5-minutes at the most.
  2. Those wanting to dig deeper can pair people up (preferably connecting those with the most differing first jobs, like walking beans with interning at a magazine).
  3. Have one person spend 2-minutes asking the other person questions about their first job.
  4. After their time is up they switch roles.
  5. You can close with a group reflection on what they learned about other people that may have surprised them.
  6. Doing the full activity will take a maximum of 15-minutes.

Here’s a list of ideas of backstory questions you can use to get started:

  • What was your first job? What did you learn that you still use today?
  • How did you get to school when you were little? How was that the same or different from other kids at your school?
  • What’s the first team you remember being part of? How did that experience shape you?
  • How many kids were in your family? Where are you in the birth order? What does that say about you? 
  • What was your favorite subject in school? How have you carried that with you? 
  • Share about the kind of home you grew up in? 
  • How did you decide what you wanted to do for a living? 

As time goes on your questions can progress towards being more probing. Another idea is to have volunteers come up with questions for the next meeting or create a sub-group of volunteers to work on questions and activities.

As you and your team become more comfortable exploring diversity there are many more activities you can incorporate and initiatives you can drive. Sometimes getting started is the hardest part. Hopefully these simple steps can spark the beginning of your journey. 

Need help creating a plan that is right for you and your team? Want an outside resource to facilitate crucial conversations around DEI? Email me at kim@athena-coco.com to schedule a free 30-minute consultation to discuss ideas that will help you get started. Calm the Chaos and create a great culture so you can find time to focus on what’s important to YOU! 

 

Kim is a mom, wife, lover of being active and the outdoors,
and helper of small businesses and nonprofits.
kim@athena-coco.com

Employee Turnover – What’s the Real Problem?

Here’s the thing. No one who loves their job ever says; “It’s great, my boss humiliates me every time I make even the smallest mistake!” And no one who enjoys where they work ever says: “Upper management only thinks of themselves, I love it and think you will too!” People who love their jobs have bosses who are good human beings.

“Want to be a good leader, be a good human”

I read this somewhere recently, and I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s so true! Think about it. Any leader that you have had, who you have truly respected and wanted to do a good job for – I bet they worked intentionally at being a good human. The opposite is likely also true. Leaders who you didn’t enjoy working for or with, probably didn’t spend much time considering how their behaviors impacted others.

I’m talking about the leadership version of the Carrot and the Stick metaphor. Do you get your staff and volunteers to do the work that needs to be done by using a Stick or a Carrot?

The Stick 

Using a Stick means tactics like threatening, ridiculing, embarrassing, manipulating or intimidating people. The phrase “Do it this way because I said so” might be common from leaders who employ the Stick methods. It’s anything where the person in charge says or does something that makes a team member feel bad about themselves. Sometimes it’s intentional and the leader thinks that’s the best way to lead. Other times it’s simply that the leader doesn’t consider the impact of their words or actions. Stick leadership doesn’t always come out sounding harsh. It can be sugar coated, or made to sound like the leader is “only joking”. (Hint: they aren’t joking.)

The Carrot

The tricky thing with the Carrot is that it absolutely, 100% has to be sincere and genuine. Otherwise it’s just another form of the Stick. I certainly don’t want to insult anyone by explaining what it means to be a good human. However, often times in business it can be easy to slip into the belief that humanity and business need to be kept separate. Therefore, I’m going to  focus on several traits of being a good human and how they relate to the working world.

  • Be Considerate

A considerate person thinks about others and how their actions and decisions impact those around them. A considerate leader talks to the people impacted by their decisions. They consider all sides of an issue and the pros and cons. Ultimately, a leader needs to make decisions based on what is best for the company or organization. However, the considerate leader also knows that if a decision is bad for the employees, it’s likely also bad for the long term success of the company.

  • See the Value in Others

Good leaders and good humans look for the positive qualities and value of other people. Rather than watch for employees to do something wrong, they lift up the positive qualities and skills of their team members. This isn’t to say that you ignore poor work or inappropriate behavior. If your people have been adequately trained and fully understand the values and culture of the organization, you can rightly expect them to do the job and produce the expected outcomes. Along the way they may do things differently than you would. Look for the positive in the differences.

  • Listen

In order to be considerate, you have to be a good listener. Many leaders are under the false impression that their job is to talk all the time. Worse yet is when they think they should be talking about themselves all the time. Initially, when getting to know their team, the leader may have to show vulnerability by sharing about themselves. If the intent is to get others to share about themselves, it’s a good tactic. The leader needs to know when they’ve shared enough about themself to set the stage, then they need to shift to listening mode. Along with listening, leaders need to practice asking really great probing questions and reflecting what they’re hearing. I talk a lot about the topic of being a listening leader here, here, here and here.

  • Be Honest and Open

As a leader there are definitely things that you need to keep confidential. Information about other employees, certain business deals, sensitive decisions, etc. However, many leaders make the mistake of keeping everything from their team. Good leaders share the good and the bad aspects of the business. Good leaders explain the thoughts behind their decisions. Good leaders are open about the things they are dealing with. Staff and volunteers like to be informed. It helps them make better decisions and feel more ownership. It also builds trust.

  • Build Relationships 

Good leaders build genuine relationships with their team members. They care about staff and volunteers as people. When leadership has put in the time and energy to develop quality relationships, the level of trust and commitment to work increases. The difficult thing here is that it can make it harder on the leader when they need to deliver negative information. No one wants to share something that will be difficult for the people they care about. While it’s hard on the leader, it’s better for the employee. They know that the leader is delivering the message from a place of caring and love.

  • Communicate

The number one issue I see in any of the businesses I work with involves communication. I’ve shared before in this article about how the most important things a leader can communicate are: the vision (or mission), the company values, and connecting the dots between each person’s role and that vision (or mission). Because it’s your vision, you should be repeating it every chance you have with your team. You cannot expect everyone to just “get it” because you explained it once. It may take them several times of hearing it before it clicks for them. This takes patience. You may feel like you’re repeating yourself. Go ahead and make that effort. It will pay off significantly.

  • Show Respect

All of these behaviors can really be summed up in the word respect. People – staff and volunteers included – want to feel respected. They want to know that the people they work for and with care about them as human beings. They want to be heard. They likely work for you because they want to be part of something bigger than themselves and want to understand their part in the success of the business or organization.

Another quote that I read recently goes like this:

Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care.

When does this happen? When the loyal person gives, not only their time and talent to an institution, but also their passion and energy; yet they don’t feel like it matters. When they are not treated with respect. When their frustrations fall on deaf ears.

 It is a privilege to lead people. When turnover is a problem, it’s likely a leadership problem. Companies spend a lot of time trying to determine salary ranges and benefit packages. They work for hours on employee handbooks and policies. Treating staff and volunteers with respect and kindness costs nothing, it can be implemented immediately, and it yields amazing dividends. Be the Carrot.

It’s easy to have blind spots regarding relationships with team members. Email me at kim@athena-coco.com to schedule a free 30-minute consultation to discuss ways to improve employee retention. Calm the Chaos by improving staff retention so you can find time to focus on what’s important to YOU.

Are you Too Close to the Problem?

Remember that boyfriend (or girlfriend) who was really awful for you? All your friends knew it, but you couldn’t see it. Remember tuck rolling your acid washed jeans? It was cool at the time, but looking back it seems pretty ridiculous. And do we even need to talk about perms?

My point is, when you’re close to something it’s difficult to see the full picture. You get caught up in emotions or trends or the very small piece of the picture that is right in front of you. It’s not until you have the luxury of time or distance that you are able to see the full story.

The same goes for leading your business. When you are completely consumed with working IN the business every day, you are likely facing problems. These present themselves as feeling overwhelmed, having difficulty making decisions, and frustrations from things not going as planned. Sometimes you don’t even see the problems. If you’re knee deep in the hoopla, you might not even recognize that you have opportunities to make better decisions, simplify, or realign.

Working ON the Business

You may have heard this phrase before: working IN the business vs working ON the business. When you are working IN your business, you are doing any of the many tasks or management activities that make it possible for your business to run today. In our fast-paced world where there never seems to be enough time in the day, you may feel overwhelmed by the sheer number of tasks and management activities on your plate. This fact may make it seem impossible to ever step away, for even two hours, to spend time working ON your business.

Because breaking away from the day-to-day can be so challenging, I’m going to share four tactics for ways to pull yourself away and give yourself, and your business, the much needed time spent working ON the business. Before I get into these ideas, let’s address the frame of mind you need in order to successfully work ON your business.

When you work ON your business, you are focusing on strategy for tomorrow’s success. The first step is to understand and believe in the importance of taking time to think strategically about where you want your company to go. If you see spending time thinking strategically as a waste of your precious time, then don’t do it. You need to be committed for this to be valuable. Otherwise, it is a waste of time. It’s also crucial to be open to new ideas. If you have no plans of changing how things are done, then there’s not much benefit to stepping away to focus on strategy.

Tactic #1 = Communicate

Okay, so you’re excited about thinking strategically and you’re open to exploring new ways of doing things. The next question is: How? I’m sure that running your business could easily consume 24 hours of your day, 7 days a week if you let it. Obviously, you don’t let it do that. You sleep, you eat, and hopefully you make time for your family and friends; as well as recreation, wellness, and hobbies. These activities fit into your life for a couple of reasons:

  1. Because they are important to you, and

  2. Because you have created a culture where the people in your business understand that you sleep, eat, spend time with family/friends and have some sort of  personal life.

Similarly, you can make working ON your business fit in if it’s important to you and you create a culture where the business understands it’s a priority. We already talked about your mindset around working on strategy, so clearly it’s important to you. The next step is to communicate with your team about why it’s important and how it’s going to look. Share your vision for your company and your belief that to achieve your vision you will need to think differently. Then tell them what it will look like.

Tactic #2 = Get Out

Set aside a specific time on your calendar. The best plan would include about 2-hours a week at the same time each week. If this seems impossible, shoot for 2-hours every other week. Still too much of a challenge? At the very least I would recommend 4-hours, once a month. Pick a time of the day or the week that would be considered your “slow time,” if there is such a thing. Whatever you land on that works well for you, stick to it like glue. Put it in your calendar. Schedule other things around it. Make it a priority.

Then leave. Get out of your office, your store, or your facility. Don’t tell your team where you are going. Take nothing but a pad of paper and a pen. That’s right, leave your cell phone behind if at all possible. Go to a coffee shop or a park or the library. Find a place that allows you to relax and your mind to explore new ideas.

As stated in Tactic #1 – communicate this plan and the purpose of it to your team on a regular basis. By communicating and following through with your plan, it will become part of the culture.

Tactic #3 = Create Accountability 

Does this all sound great, but you know yourself well enough to know that this might last for two weeks before you will find excuses for why it’s more important for you to stay IN the business? If so, consider finding an Accountability Partner to support you. This could be a partner, a spouse, a team member, a friend, a mentor, or another business leader. Explain to the person what you want to do and ask them to help hold you accountable. You may even find someone who wants to do this with you, kind of like a workout buddy.

Tactic #4 = Outside Help

There are times when engaging outside help is the best option. A coach, a mastermind group, or any other peer group are all things to consider if you feel like an outside set of eyes would be helpful. These resources can help give you a new perspective, consider new ideas, or hold you accountable for the things you want to do to reach your business vision. An outside set of eyes will challenge you in ways that you may have never considered, and will push you to do things you might not commit to on your own. Most coaches and peer groups provide a free discovery call or visit so you can explore the different options available to you.

Next Steps

Once you have your time-away plan, either on your own, with a partner, or with a professional, use your time effectively. These steps can help:

  1. Stay laser-focused on where you want to take your business. If you don’t have a vision yet, this is a great first step.

  2. List out all the challenges you face that are preventing you from reaching your goals. Prioritize. Peel back the layers. Often the first thing that comes to mind is a side effect of the real problem.

  3. Once you get to the heart of an issue, explore strategies for working through it. Come up with as many strategies as you possibly can. Determine which best match your brand, your culture, your values, and which will best solve your problem.

  4. Decide.

  5. Plan your communications. If you have regular staff meetings (which I hope you do), add the decisions made to your meeting agenda. Communicate your thoughts and develop any action steps required to roll out the strategy.

  6. Tackle as many issues as you can in your allotted time. Save others for your next Strategy Session.

Put Your Mask on First

There is a strong pull to convince ourselves that business cannot possibly continue to operate if we are not there. Are you really needed all the time? Or does it make you feel good to be needed all of the time? If your business cannot run without you in it for every hour that you are open, I might suggest this as one of the first issues you tackle.

“In case of a drop in cabin pressure, put your own mask on first so you can assist others.” Same goes for your business. Thinking short-term: I have to help my child or my seat mate, is similar to focusing only on the daily tasks. You’re only going to be able to help for a finite period of time. Thinking long term: If I put my mask on first, I’ll be able to help many others, is the equivalent of taking the time to think strategically about your business. You have to think long term in order to take care of your business.

Some lessons can only be learned through experience (like that awful perm), others (like the health of your business) you want to proactive work to solve.

If you would like to explore how coaching or consulting can help you work ON your business, email me at kim@athena-coco.com to schedule a free 30-minute consultation. Calm the Chaos by working ON your business so you can find time to focus on what’s important to YOU.

Self-Care – Yes, Business Leaders Need It!

leaders know quote

Happy Valentine’s Day! It’s probably not actually Valentine’s Day when you’re reading this, but that’s when I’m writing. And that’s also why I wanted to spend a little time talking about self-care (aka: self-love) for business leaders. You might be thinking: “I don’t have time for that!” If so, I’m hoping I can change your mind with this article.

I found two great definitions of Self-Care, and this seems like a great place to start.

Definition #1:

The practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s own health.

This one is a pretty broad definition and can include things you’re (hopefully) going to do regularly, like sleeping and brushing your teeth. It also encompasses regular check-ups, exercise, wearing your seat belt, healthy eating, and much, much more. These are all important habits, and I hope you have established great routines for them. Plus flossing, also very important. However, while there’s some crossover, these aren’t the practices this article is about. Which brings us to the second definition.

Definition #2:

The practice of taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress.

Now we’re talking! The key word here is stress. If there’s anyone who has their fair share of stress, it’s business-owners and business-leaders, amirite? You have an entire business or nonprofit relying on you to make the right decisions, create a great culture, deliver the best services or products, and support your staff. That’s a lot on your shoulders! And those are the reasons that self-care is so important for leaders.

In working with leaders for quite some time now, I know that there are many who hear the words self-care and think one of three things:

  1. It’s for the weak. Tough leaders don’t need that new-agey crap.

  2. I’m too important for that kind of indulgence.

  3. It would be great, but who has the time!

If you fell into one of these categories when you first started reading, consider this. You know when you fly (or used to fly, pre-pandemic) and the flight attendant tells you to put your own mask on first, before helping others? As I’m sure you know, the reason for this is because you cannot help anyone else if you’re incapacitated. The same thing goes for leading your business. You’re going to be no good to the company, clients/customers, or staff if you’re too stressed out or exhausted to lead effectively.

The arguments listed above are rooted in the assumptions that leaders shouldn’t be vulnerable, important people don’t need to manage their stress, and leaders can’t take time for themselves. The reality is that self-care is an investment in your personal productivity and effectiveness. It can improve decision making and mental clarity. It most definitely improves mood, which can benefit relationships both inside and outside your company. With self-care you’re able to focus better, have more energy, be more productive, and find more creative solutions. These are just a few of the many benefits that come from “taking an active role in protecting one’s own well-being and happiness, in particular during periods of stress”.

The self-care industry has boomed from $10 million in 2014 to over $450 million in 2020. There are millions of products and services out there and everyone thinks their solution is the best. All of that can make self-care seem confusing and overwhelming. I am not here to promote any product or service. In fact, I believe the best options are free and simple. I also believe that self-care is as individual as fingerprints. You need to find what is right for you. My recommendation is to start out with things that are free or super low cost, then add or change as you find what works best for you.

Start Here

As a business leader, you certainly don’t want to add something to your day that is going to make life more stressful. While a day at the spa would be fabulous, it’s probably not realistic (at least not on a regular basis). So here are some ideas of things to start with, that won’t break the time-bank.

Breath Exercises

You’re going to breathe anyway, right? Take one-minute, two or three times a day to focus on breathing. There are several different techniques you can use. If this is something that appeals to you, a quick google search will give you lots of options. Here’s one you can try right now:

  • Sit in a relaxed position and close or downcast your eyes.

  • Take a deep (belly) breath in for a count of four.

  • Hold for a count of four.

  • Let out for a count of four.

  • Hold for a count of four.

  • Repeat for four breath cycles.

Breath is life. Focusing on your breath can lower your pulse, lower your stress, help you relax, and refocus your attention.

Journal

Journaling can seem intimidating. What will you write? Why will it matter? What’s the point? If this is something you would like to try, but don’t know how, here’s an easy way to get started. Just finish these three statement every day:

  • I will let go of . . .

  • I am grateful for . . .

  • I will focus on . . .

This is a really great way to start the day. If possible, do it first thing in the morning. Consider making it the first thing you see when you open your computer.

Connect

Set a goal to have one 5-minute, non-work conversation with a different team member every day. Human interaction does wonders for reducing stress. Mercy Medical Center says that social interactions are good for brain health. It can improve mood, lower the risk for dementia, and promotes a sense of safety, belonging and security. And the really great thing is that by incorporating this practice, you’re not the only one to experience these benefits.

Get Out!

Go outside and mindfully take in what you see. Check out the breeze. Listen for sounds. Observe the colors and movements around you. Again, as little as 5-minutes can reap so many benefits. Exposure to nature is known to reduce anger, fear, and stress; as well as reducing blood pressure, heart rate, and muscle tension. This is so easy to incorporate into your day. Park at the far end of your parking lot and spend the walk being mindful of your surroundings. Walk for lunch or just take a walk around the building. This has the added benefit of physical activity, a little vitamin D, and setting a great example for your team!

Mindfulness

This goes right along with the previous practice, but can be done while doing literally anything. Practicing mindfulness for as little as two-minutes a day has been proven to reduce stress, anxiety, and mental reactivity. This can be done while you brush your teeth (one of the self-care activities from the top of the article). While brushing, think about the tiny circles you make with the brush. Think about how the floor feels under your feet. Think about your posture. Think about how you’re feeling. Notice everything about the process. Then guess what? When you’re done you have at least one-minute of mindfulness practice under your belt for the day! Spend a full minute focusing on what you’re eating at lunch. Examine the taste, texture, temperature, and how the food is making you feel. Chew twice as long as you normally would. Think about that process. And when you’re done – Boom! You’ve got your two-minutes of mindfulness in for the day!

Those are just a few ideas to get you started, all of which require very little time and no cost. Here are some other suggestions if you want to dive a little deeper into practicing self-care:

  • Physical exercise – yoga, walking, biking, strength training. Whatever you pick, start small. Commit to less than you think you will do, like 5-minutes a day. When that is a regular part of your day, consider expanding.

  • Healthy eating – you are what you eat, so consider what you put in your body. Shoot to make one small change. Be it smaller portions, mindful eating, reducing processed foods, healthy snacks, etc. Change one small thing, and see how it goes for you.

  • Routines – creating a routine or ritual is great for stress reduction. Wake-up routines, bedtime routines, get-to-work routines, end-your-day routines – routines reduce stress and can provide you with more time.

  • Quality sleep – everyone knows the benefits of a good night sleep. Coincidentally, the biggest deterrent to quality sleep is stress. As adults, stress can really wreak havoc on our sleep. Many of the self-care options in this article can help you improve sleep.

Still, there are many more ways to manage stress and take care of yourself. These are some good ones to start with, but you can also do your own research. Try different things. There is no right or wrong (despite what “experts” might say) that works for everyone. Find what works for you, then tweak it as you go along. And every once in a while, feel free to treat yourself to a spa day.

Need help managing stress? Email me at kim@athena-coco.com to schedule a free 30-minute consultation to see how we can help you Calm the Chaos and find time to focus on what’s important to YOU.

11 Traits of Exceptional Leaders

good leader diagram

Last week I talked about what I believe is the biggest mistake that leaders make. You can check it out here if you would like to make sure you’re not falling into that trap. Today I want to explore the things leaders do that make them truly exceptional. I prefer to focus on the positive, so this seems like a good follow-up to last week’s negativity.

The list I’m going to share with you comes from Glenn Leibowitz. Glenn is head of communications at a global management consulting firm and he writes about personal and professional development, media trends, and writing well. I like what he has to say about exceptional leaders and wanted to expand upon his thoughts. In full disclosure, Glenn had 13 traits on his list. One felt repetitive and another I didn’t really agree with, so I’m giving you 11 of his 13.

The ironic thing is that this list was shared with me by someone who could really learn a lot from the points Glenn makes. At least half of them are traits this person didn’t possess, or just didn’t understand. That made me think that maybe each point could use some more explanation. So, without further ado, here are 11 Inspiring Traits of Exceptional Leaders:

  1. They trust you to do the job you’ve been hired to do

  2. They seek your advice and input

  3. They find opportunities to let you shine

  4. They recognize your contributions

  5. They have your back during tough times

  6. They challenge you to do bigger and better things

  7. They express appreciation

  8. They are responsive

  9. They know when to apologize

  10. They treat others with dignity and respect

  11. They care

Let’s break these down.

They Trust You to do the Job You’ve Been Hired to Do 

To be clear, this doesn’t mean that they hire you and set you loose. They hire you, orient and train you, ensure you’re a good fit for the company and culture, and then they trust you to do the job you were hired to do. They are also available if you have questions or need to talk through your ideas. There is no micromanaging or nitpicking. After making sure you have received the tools and resources needed to do your job well, an exceptional leader sets the vision and direction, then supports you as you thrive.

They Seek Your Advice and Input

I love this one! Strong leaders know that multiple perspectives strengthen decision making. They come to you to understand your perspective and how you think about issues or projects. It’s important to realize that the leader is likely gathering advice and input from other team members as well. In the end they may make a decision that is contradictory to what you believe is best. As a leader, that is their job, to consider all angles and to make the best decision for the company.

They Find Opportunities to Let You Shine

Good leaders help identify your strengths. Then they align projects and work so you can use your talents. Exceptional leaders want you to excel because they know it will be good for you and good for the company. Then, when you have done a great job, they . . .

Recognize Your Contributions

They go beyond “giving credit where credit is due” by making it a point to share your hard work and the impact that it’s having on the business. And, they do it in a way that is genuine and appropriate.

They Have Your Back During Tough Times

Nobody’s perfect, we all make mistakes, and we all go through tough times. Strong leaders recognize the difference between a rough patch and a need for corrective behavior. It takes a confident leader to back up their team members when they mess up, but it’s imperative to maintaining a trusting relationship.

They Challenge You to Do Bigger and Better Things

I once had a boss who was great at this. Every time I started to feel like I had everything under control, he would give me more responsibility or a new project. I learned and grew so much in the five-years I worked with him. Those new projects pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I will note that I was also promoted and compensated for the additional work I took on. Raises weren’t given every time I did something extra, but it was enough that rather than feeling taken advantage of, I felt appreciated. An exceptional leader will challenge you appropriately, take care of you along the way, and give you the skills to reach your next level.

They Express Appreciation

This one is similar to #4 about recognizing your contributions. Exceptional leaders GENUINELY express appreciation for you, your work, your talent, your insights, etc. Nothing is more lame than a generic “I just want to thank my team for all their hard work” compliment. I learned through a children’s program I use to coach for that expressing appreciation has two (sometimes three) key components:

  • Specifically state the behavior or action that you appreciate

  • Share why it matters

  • If appropriate, state how it made you feel

Here’s an example: Alice, thank you so much for organizing the marketing presentations. Your contributions helped save the team a lot of time. I’m really proud of how well the team is working together on this project. You are helping accelerate our work for faster growth.

They Are Responsive

Leaders have a million things vying for their attention and a million things they could be responding to at any given moment. Regardless, exceptional leaders pay attention to the needs of their team members. They easily assess when someone needs more support vs needs to be pushed. They have their finger on the pulse of the company culture and are tuned in to any issues that jeopardize it. When something is off, exceptional leaders quickly recognize and address the issue.

They Know When to Apologize

Just like everyone else, leaders are not perfect. They make mistakes. Strong leaders recognize when they have messed up, and they own it. As with expressing appreciation, an apology must be genuine and specific. That same youth program that I coached for also taught the steps to a sincere apology:

  • State what your sorry for (specifically)

  • State why it was wrong

  • Explain what you will do differently moving forward

  • Ask for forgiveness

For example: Janet, I’m sorry that I didn’t recognize how much extra time you were putting into creating the schedule. I should have given you more training on how to make that process easier. I realize that my mistake cost you a lot of time. I am going to set up a time where we can work on this together. I’m also going to make it a point to check in with you more frequently than what I have been doing. Will you forgive my mistake?

They Treat Others with Dignity and Respect 

Personally, I don’t think you should get to call yourself a leader if you don’t have this as a baseline. Leaders are exactly-as-human as everyone who works under them. Anyone who cannot or will not value their team members shouldn’t be allowed to supervise staff.

They Care

Generally speaking, on any given weekday we spend more waking time with our co-workers than we do with our families or friends. Any leader worth their weight – cares about the lives of their staff. They care about how work is impacting their “real life” and how their “real life” is impacting their work. They care about the culture they create and how it impacts their people. I would say that this trait trumps all of the others listed above. If a leader has this one, the rest will come naturally.

Want help developing your leadership skills or addressing a challenging culture? Email me at kim@athena-coco.com to schedule a free 30-minute consultation to see how we can help you grow into an exceptional leader or “coach-up”.

The Biggest Mistake Leaders Make

bananarama quote

This is obviously an opinion article. Much has been written on the mistakes of leaders and there are varying opinions on which ones are the most egregious. Why is that? Probably because as leaders, we all make mistakes. And, people who observe leaders all have a different take on which mistakes result in the most negative impact.

Before I share what I believe to be the biggest mistake of a leader, I want to be very clear that I am a big fan of mistakes. So much so that I make them all the time! We make huge progress by trying lots of new and different ideas to see what works. In exploring what DOES work, we have to go through a lot of what DOES NOT work. We learn so much from mistakes. Often the lessons we learn from the mistakes we make are the ones that best stick with us and teach us how to move forward in a better way.

By writing this article I am not looking to create leaders who are risk-averse. Quite the opposite! I want you to keep trying new things and making big decisions, and exploring new opportunities. The biggest mistake we make is not really a thing we do. So please, keep doing and trying and exploring.

Decision Drift

If it’s not a thing you do as a leader, what is it? The biggest mistake I see leaders make is mixing up their roles when making decisions. We all fulfill different roles. One of those is probably a company leader. Another might be a spouse or family leader. You may also be a community volunteer and leader. Maybe you have more. Most people have two big categories of business leader and personal-life leader. And sometimes it can be difficult to keep your focus on making decisions appropriate to your role. I call this Decision Drift.

Decision Drift is when you should be wearing your “leader of the company” hat, but you let your “leader of my personal life” hat slip into your decision making. When a leader makes a decision based on what is easiest for them personally, that’s Decision Drift. When a leader makes a decision based on which will cause them the least amount of personal discomfort, that’s Decision Drift. And when a leader makes a decision based on how much they will personally gain, you guessed it, that is Decision Drift. Those decisions have drifted away from what is best for the company.

Now, you might be thinking that this sounds crazy, and that no decent leader would make those kinds of decisions. But the challenge is that it’s easy to convince yourself that you are making decisions for the right reasons. Leaders will talk themselves into Decision Drift, and then they convince themselves that it’s not for personal reasons. For example, if there’s a difficult conversation that needs to happen, and the leader dislikes confrontation – they will convince themselves that it’s best not to have the conversation because it will have a negative impact on the culture. Or, maybe more often, when faced with a decision that will benefit the employees vs one that will benefit the leadership, leaders frequently convince themselves that the option that benefits the leaders is the right one, because they know best.

What are you being paid for? 

When you are hired as a company/nonprofit leader, or you are the leader of your own business, your role is to make decisions based on what is best for the company. Period. While it’s challenging to remove your personal interests from those decisions, that is what you’re paid to do. Or, if you are the owner, it’s your commitment to the success of the business and the people who work for you. The people who hired you and the people who work for you are counting on you to make decisions based on what is best for the organization, even if it makes you uncomfortable.

None of this is to say that you shouldn’t make decisions that benefit you personally. It’s just that those are decisions you make when wearing your “personal life leader” hat. In your personal life – you, your family, and maybe your friends are counting on you to make decisions that are good for you (and your family and friends). That is when you make decisions about what you’re comfortable with, what will be best for your life, and what will preserve and protect you.

Keeping those two decision-making categories separate is imperative to being a good leader. If you need to make a business decision that’s best for the company, but not so good for your workload or mental health, it leads you to needing to make a personal decision. Does the increased workload fit with the demands of your personal life? Is the stress affecting your family and friends? If questions like those are answered with a “yes”, it’s time for you to consider what you need to do personally to adapt to what is best for the company. This could be anything from adding in some self-care to changing careers.

There you have it. The biggest mistake I see leaders make is Decision Drift. They try to avoid having to make challenging decisions in their personal life by making business decisions that are best for them, rather than what’s best for the business. It’s easy to do. It’s better for you. But by doing so, you are not fulfilling your role as the leader of the company. You’re letting down stakeholders and team members. And you’re holding your business back from where it could go and what it could accomplish.

Servant Leader = a leadership philosophy in which the main goal of the leader is to serve. This is different from traditional leadership where the leader’s main focus is the thriving of their company or organizations.

If you look at this definition, you might think that I’m contradicting the concept of Servant Leadership. That’s not the case. I believe very strongly in Servant Leadership, and I think that it is a part of what I’m talking about. With some exceptions, the most valuable asset of most companies is their workforce. A Servant Leader knows this. Part of serving their team members is likely making decisions based on what is best for them. And very often what is best for the staff is also what is best for the company.

Google says. . .

A quick search of the biggest mistakes leaders make will give you several options of lists similar to this one:

  1. Micromanaging

  2. Leading from a position of power or ego

  3. Not listening

  4. Not valuing followers

  5. Failing to grow themselves as leaders

  6. Lacking boundaries

  7. Not providing or receiving feedback

I would argue that each and every one of these mistakes (and the similar ones that land on other lists) can be tied back to Decision Drift. Let me show you:

  • Micromanaging is often a mask for a leader who doesn’t know how to empower, delegate and build up their staff. Rather than pushing themselves to grow as a leader, they decide to use their time to nitpick their staff.

  • Leading from a position of power or ego – This comes from a lack of humility and confidence. Power and ego is used to mask personal deficiencies, rather than deciding to do the hard work of growing as a person and a leader.

  • Not listening – As a leader it takes a lot of confidence and security to be open to the ideas of others. Again, it’s easier to mask insecurities by pretending like you have all the answers, than to work on personal growth.

I could go on with the list above, but my comments would continue down a similar path. Decision Drift comes from a leader’s need to protect themselves, their time, their ego, etc. True leaders know how to separate self-preservation from organizational leadership, and make decisions in the company’s best interest. .

It’s hard to separate business decisions and personal decisions. Outside help can see the issues without the emotion that leaders bring. Email me at kim@athena-coco.com to schedule a free 30-minute consultation to see how we can help you make better decisions for your company and for you personally. 

Too Busy to Lead

perfection is the enemy of success

Are you running your business, or is the business running you? Do you spend your days putting out fire after fire and never getting to the tasks or projects that you want to work on? Is there so much on your plate that you barely have time to answer your staff’s questions, let alone provide valuable leadership? If your answer is an annoying little “yes” to any of these, it’s time to talk about delegating.

FACT: Running a business (or a nonprofit) is hard work. There is always more to do than what you have time for in a day. As the leader, you feel responsible for making sure everything gets done, and gets done right. And the more successful you are, the more work there is to manage.

FACT: Every successful leader in the world has had to figure out how to delegate. And they have likely all struggled to figure out what and how to delegate. Effective delegation is key to managing your business while also leading your team.

The idea of delegating might seem impossible. After all, don’t you have to have everything organized in order to delegate it to someone else? The answer to that is no, and we’ll talk more about that later. Effective delegating is one of most important skills you can learn as a leader. In order to learn the skill, it helps to have some basic structures in place to make delegating easier. These three components create a solid foundation for effective delegating:

  1. Establish the right structure

  2. Hire quality staff

  3. Understand your strengths

Structure

Finding the right structure for your business not only helps with delegation, but it sets you up for success in many other ways as well. This means establishing and communicating a clear chain of command, thoughtfully creating positions and departments, and ensuring everyone knows what they are accountable for and how their work impacts the success of the company. You can read a lot more about this topic by reading Structure – Getting it Right to Grow.

Quality Staff

Quality staff does not always mean that you pay the very best or you provide the most glamorous jobs. Quality staff are those people who you trust. Those whose values align strongly with yours and those of your company. Those who have a positive attitude about the success of your business. In order to have confidence in delegating, you need staff who are willing, able, and motivated to help advance the work.

We all know that solid staff don’t grow on trees. And I’m not suggesting that this is a simple step. However, I do have a few tips to help. In addition to creating the right structure (mentioned above) for your business, here are some proactive steps you can take to create a breeding ground for quality staff.

  1. Communicate your vision. All. The. Time. When staff do not see the bigger picture vision for your business, then all they have is a job. But when a picture is painted of the direction you are taking the company, and their role in helping to get there, then it becomes much more. They see the work they are doing as valuable. They want to help accomplish goals. And they understand better why things need to be performed a certain way.

  2. Communicate your values. All. The. Time. Use your values when you talk about the big picture of your company. Use them to make hiring decisions. And use them in performance conversations. The first step is obviously to establish your values and to ensure that they truly reflect who you are as a company. Then, the more you use them, the more closely your staff will align with the values you hold dear. Staff will either self-select out if they don’t have the same values, or they will be drawn in if your values resonate with them. Both of those consequences create a stronger team.

  3. Practice your listening skills. People want to be heard. Even if you cannot accommodate their requests, people feel better when they have been genuinely listened to. When we truly listen to someone, they feel valued and respected. What a great gift to give to someone! And don’t you think that staff who feel valued and respected will also be motivated to help you and your business? Listening is one of my very favorite topics, you can read more about developing these skills here and here and here and here. (Clearly a favorite topic.)

Your Strengths 

This part isn’t just about understanding your strengths. It’s also about understanding the things you love to focus on; as well as the things you’re not that great at or don’t like to spend time on. Here is a fairly simple exercise to help you determine what you should be delegating. Take a piece of paper and divide it into 4 quadrants. Label the boxes as follows:

  • Top left = enjoy, not great at

  • Bottom left =  don’t enjoy, not great at

  • Bottom right = don’t enjoy, great at

  • Top right = enjoy, great at

From there, insert all of the tasks, responsibilities, and relationships that are on your plate. Look back at your calendar for a few weeks to make sure you capture everything. Once everything is recorded, it should be pretty easy to see which items would be good to delegate. Additionally, by practicing your listening skills, you will hopefully have an idea about staff who would enjoy or be good at the things you don’t like or don’t excel in.

Just Do it

Back to the point at the beginning of this article. Leaders often feel like they have to have everything in place, just right, before they can give a project or task to someone else. As the quote above states, perfection is the enemy of success. Perfection is an illusion, and if you keep waiting for everything to be perfect, you will never be able to let go. By creating the right structure, nurturing quality staff, and communicating consistently you will create a culture of trust. When that exists, you can trust your staff to handle projects and ask for help when needed. Also, your staff will trust that you will support them, even when they get stuck and need additional guidance.

The last point that I want to share on this topic has to do with the fact that you cannot be an effective leader if you are running from one crisis to the next and never taking the time to “work on the business”. A good leader spends time thinking about the direction they are taking their company. They spend time strategizing on how to reach their goals. They focus on how to lead and develop their team members. All of those things take time. Time spent away from the doing and fixing and scrambling. So as you consider what and how much to delegate, make sure you are giving yourself enough time to lead.

Need help establishing the right organizational structure for your business, creating a strong culture, or figuring out how to effectively delegate? Email me at kim@athena-coco.com to schedule a free 30-minute consultation to see how we get you moving on the path to growth.